""You think you know death, but you don’t, not until you’ve seen it, really seen it… And it gets under your skin and lives inside you. You also think you know life, stand on the edge of things and what you go by but you’re not living it, not really, your just a tourist, a ghost, then you see it, really see it, it gets under your skin and lives inside you, and there’s no escape, there’s nothing to be done, and you know what it’s good, it’s a good thing, and that’s all iv’e got to say about it.""
So I stepped outside my comfort zone a little
and hung out with some people from my internship tonight. I don’t technically need to be there anymore- I’ve filled all the school and organizational requirements through graduating. But I love it there. I love the people I work with and I love what I do. So I stick around, slip my resume into my boss’ mail file, and apparently now go out with my colleagues. It was karaoke night and I walked in right as “Still Rock n Roll” by Billy Joel was being sung by my shift leader, who I look up to like the older brother that my own brother never was to me. He has such a rich personality and so much wisdom; I just want to soak up all his knowledge every time we talk. We share music tastes, attitudes, stories, and he inspires me to be a better person. Better yet, he actually asks me about my life and my relationships and, well, me…he seems to be genuinely interested in my success-he knows how to connect with me on a level that my brother probably will never achieve. Not because my brother is incapable of it, but because he doesn’t care. And he could never blame it on the age difference because my team leader is older than my brother. I used to idolize him until I realized just how selfish and uninterested in anyone else he is. It’s a shame. (Now that I’ve finished ranting about family) My other colleagues sang a few songs and I just had a blast watching them and cheering them on. It was great to see everyone outside of the intense work environment that we are accustomed to. I toyed with going out all day, figuring that by the time I got out of work nobody would want to stick or around or even want me there. And then, as I was driving, one of my other mentor-like colleagues called me and was like, “ARE YOU ON YOUR WAY YET?! WE MISS YOU!” My heart jumped. I felt so included and accepted and loved. Of course I didn’t sing because I’m a coward but baby steps, right? No regrets. Only networking and socializing and having a great time. Things are looking up.
"People are dying from over thinking. They fill their brains with harsh thoughts and it brings the body down too. Chances are no one thinks as bad about you than you."